Something was wrong, terribly wrong…
“Mason,” I started.
“Don’t,” he lifted a trembling hand to still me and took a cautious step back.
Why? I looked at him, confused.
When he called to tell me we have to talk I thought it’d be like the other times. He’ll rant and vent but he’d forgive me, eventually. But something doesn’t feel right.
I looked at him closely and it felt like I was seeing him for the first time in months. He looked tired, worn out. I can tell he’s been crying. There were dark circles under his eyes and now when I look closely, I can tell he lost weight.
How did this happen? Since when have he been looking this way? How could I have missed this?
My heart twisted in ways I never thought possible.
I will fix this, I vowed. I have to fix this.
I took a tentative step forward and froze at the wary look on his eyes.
“Let me explain,” I said marveling at how calm I sounded. I was feeling a lot of emotions rushing through me at the moment and calm is not one of them.
I took another step forward. I didn’t like the distance between us. Before it didn’t matter to me but curiously, it did now. It was no more than a two-meter gap, I can easily cross it if I wanted to but somehow I feel like even if I did I wouldn’t be able to reach Mason, not really, and the thought scares the hell out of me.
“No!” He shook his head violently, fresh set of tears pooling on his eyes. “I can’t do this Drew, not anymore!”
That stopped me, dead. My heart literally stopped and kick-started pounding wildly on my chest.
What does that mean? I wanted to ask but I couldn’t get the words out.
No, I wanted to shout. It can’t be! This cannot be happening, not now!
Anger and fear surged through me then, hard and fast. I know I made mistakes, terrible ones, but it can’t end now! I won’t let him leave me. Never.
I advanced towards Mason and grabbed him to me. I expected him fight, to struggle, but he did neither and the tight knot on my chest eased a little.
God, he felt good. He felt right. How could I have forgotten about this? How could I forget how good we felt together?
I was a fool. I know that now. But we’ve been through a lot together and we survived them all. This time will be no different. We’ll get through this just like we always do only this time I’d take more care of him. I’d love and treasure him more than I ever did before.
I held him tighter and realized he was not returning my embrace.
“Drew,” he pleaded. “Please let me go.”
I stiffened at the sorrow on his voice, the undisguised sadness and pain.
I thought of the other times we were in this position. Never, not once, have I seen him like this. Mason is the sunniest person I know. He always had a ready smile for anyone, especially for me. But he was not smiling now. And the secret laugh, the mirth, the light that had been shinning on his blue eyes was not there. The man before me now doesn’t resemble the man I know and love. He looked lost, lonely, almost broken.
I did this to him. I cursed myself. I hurt Mason. What the hell was I thinking?
“Please,” his whispered hoarsely and I felt warm liquid stain my shirt. “Let me go,”
He meant it. He really meant it this time.
I didn’t want to let him go. I can’t. I held on tighter, wishing, hoping he’d hug me back. But he never did and somehow I know, he never will.
It’s over, I thought miserably. Oh God, it’s really over.
As the realization of what’s happening struck me, my heart broke. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Not the excuses I’ve been practicing on my way to meet him or the empty promises I always had ready. No, this time I was completely spent, empty.
I searched his gaze one last time, pleading silently, begging. But Mason just looked at me sadly.
“Goodbye, Drew.” He said finally.
I watched numb as he turned and walked away. It tore me to pieces but I couldn’t look away even if I tried and my heart broke all over again.
I fell on my knees and grab a fistful of my hair. I messed up. I just let the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me walk away. It was done, over. And I have no one to blame but myself.
As I stared miserably at the empty space before me, tears streamed down my face.
“How am I supposed to live without him?” I asked myself. I didn’t have an answer but I guess I’m going to find out…
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